I’d sell my soul for success in Hollywood. Anyone who works in show business and says they won’t is lying.
So, last Saturday I visited a pawnshop to see how much I could get for my soul.
Unfortunately, the Guido behind the counter said they don’t pawn souls, and that mine looked like it had been used an abused beyond recognition.
With no interest in my soul, I asked if he would be interested in my Xbox 360. I don’t need the money, but it’s just taking up space in my place since I haven’t used it in over two years.
He told me they aren’t interested in Xboxes. I have nothing else I was interested in pawning, so I turned into a buyer.
The first thing I noticed was the wide selection of jewelry. I wasn’t in search for an engagement ring, so I quickly moved on before feeling just a bit sad for those who had to pawn an engagement ring because they needed the money. On the other hand, the pawning of those rings could be a result of divorce. In either case that answers the question of where marriages go to die.
The next case over contained electronics, like video cameras, video games, and a Wii. I don’t know why they wouldn’t take my Xbox, considering they took a Wii.
I wasn’t about to question their pawning methods, so I moved on to the next section filled with musical instruments. I checked out the guitars, since I previously learned the beginning chords to guitar playing.
Then I moved on to the accordians, which made me think that Weird Al Yankovic must be going through some tough times financially.
After I checked out the odd instrument section, I noticed some binders reminiscent of the binders filled with baseball cards that I had as a child. I asked the man behind the counter if I could check out the contents inside, and he placed it on the counter for me to peruse. I quickly scanned the contents, and didn’t see anything noteworthy amongst the basketball cards. The cover on the binder was saturated in dust, which made me believe that I was the first customer to request a viewing of those cards in quite some time. Just out of curiosity I asked him how much for the binder or for individual cards, and he said there was no set price. I wasn’t there to barter for some cards that weren’t worth the paper they were printed on, so I thanked him and made my way toward the exit.
Right before I left the store, the notorious purple and yellow colors that I bleed caught my attention in the form of a couple Kobe Bryant jerseys. I took one quick peak at the wall, and immediately recognized that they were actual game jerseys.
I knew Kobe didn’t have a pre-nup, but I didn’t realize he had to pawn his jerseys to settle his divorce. After looking at the high price, I decided to leave empty handed.
Outside the store, the owner has a sign that reads “We Buy Gold.” So, before I left I suggested to the owner that he also put a sign outside that says, “We Do Not Buy Souls or Xboxes,” because I’m certain I’m not the first person in Los Angeles to ask about either of those items.