Earlier this year I quit drinking alcohol.
I had some drinks on New Years Eve and then didn’t drink anything until St. Patrick’s Day. In between that time, my friend Tony gave me a blog suggestion: drink the yeast left over from his self-made beer. I told him I wasn’t drinking, and I actually felt like I could quit for the rest of my life. I hadn’t missed it at all.
Some of you might be surprised to hear I didn’t miss drinking, given how much it revolves around my industry of entertainment and comedy. I vowed at the beginning of the year to not drink until I had a positive development in my career, and then Men’s Fitness Magazine popped into my life, followed by a pitch meeting at Comedy Central, and all of that was in the first three weeks of 2012.
Despite those successes I continued with the sobriety just to see what other positives would result. Plus, my body wasn’t missing the calming effect of alcohol, and I tend to listen to my body.
Last night, however, my body and Tony were telling me to try the leftover yeast that Tony so eloquently refers to as “beer poo.” When he introduced that phrase the image of 2 Girls, 1 Cup immediately popped into my head.
When Tony told me he was making his own beer on a regular basis it really didn’t surprise me. Making your own things like beer is something I always associate with crazy people who live in the woods. I think making your own beer is the first step before you make your own bombs. I love Tony, but he did spend a few years in the woods of Cal State Chico.
First Tony showed me the ingredients like hops and grains and then he showed me the finished product: his bottled beer. Interesting enough, I’ve never seen hops before, and they look like the cousin of marijuana. Tony then told me it only costs him a few bucks to make a batch of booze, and it really only takes a couple of hours. I immediately changed my skeptical mind. Maybe Tony wasn’t crazy, and rather just a crazy genius.
Tony had the “beer poo” waiting for me on his counter top in a shot glass. It looked like chocolate milk, but smelled like alcohol. It appeared to be as thick as Guinness, which I am not a fan of due to its heaviness. After I drink one glass of it I feel like I’ve eaten a loaf of bread. This “beer poo” didn’t look too different from a loaf of bread given that the yeast is all the contents of the ingredients that settle at the bottom of the bottle. Essentially it’s pure sugar and carbohydrates.
Before I took a sip, Tony forewarned me that it tastes disgusting and that if I needed to throw up then to use his sink, which if this were a novel would serve as ominous foreboding.
I generally fear no beer, but there was some hesitation before my first sip. I asked Tony if he expected me to drink the whole glass, because I had no intention to do so given that beer should not look like the grease left over from bacon in a pan.
I figured I was thinking too much about it, so I grabbed the glass and took a small sip. It wasn’t so bad. It tasted like a beer that you opened the night prior before passing out, and then you take a sip of it in the morning. What? Don’t act like I’m the only one who has done that. Regardless, I manned up and took a larger sip.
OK, that’s when the after taste hit me. It tasted like I was drinking cocoa beans that were dipped in alcohol. The thickness didn’t feel good going down. Tony was right. It actually did taste like “beer poo.”
I asked if I could get drunk just by drinking that yeast. Tony’s girlfriend Tiffany said she thought it was around six to seven percent alcohol, so yes I could. Of course, that’s if I wanted to drink poo.
I had one more small sip for the road, and didn’t require the sink before my departure. I really didn’t learn anything from the experience, except that making my own beer could be a great blog in the future. I don’t have the patience of Tony, however, so I possibly foresee a beer run to BevMo halfway through the process.